Onward Christian Soldier
“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 3:14
It’s been a pretty rough week for me (both in and out of the classroom), and I’ve sort of been walking around feeling like one wounded in battle. I’ve spent this past week trying to make my decision about next year and I’ve been hurting every step of the way. For so long the decision was pretty simple, “Go home!” But something started to happen since I came back from Christmas… I felt for the first time like this was home, and the relationships that I had established with students were growing…and I wondered if perhaps a second year would provide even more ministry opportunities. (Undoubtedly, it would.) I could picture myself here again, loving new faces, and loving those I already love still more.
However, in my heart of hearts, in that deepest part of me where emotions subside and confusion dissolves, in that place where all that has been hazy suddenly become clear… I knew God was not calling me back. If He was, He would have revealed it to me by now. If He was, there would be no desperate search for an answer last minute. I look back on the times I know He has called me to do something… and I KNEW, not only within myself, but He had revealed it through my circumstances. Though a big part of me wants to return, and it does pain me to leave this place, He has called me to Prague for a season.
I do not think my time is forever done overseas. I’m not sure why I think that because I have no idea when, where, or under what circumstances He might bring me back, only that I have a heart for it.
It has been a really rough week. But God has been teaching me to "press on" no matter what my emotions may be, high or low, up or down. "Go on, Courtney. Go on, press on, continue on."
I don't know what is coming next for me, but He knows, and that's enough.
It’s been a pretty rough week for me (both in and out of the classroom), and I’ve sort of been walking around feeling like one wounded in battle. I’ve spent this past week trying to make my decision about next year and I’ve been hurting every step of the way. For so long the decision was pretty simple, “Go home!” But something started to happen since I came back from Christmas… I felt for the first time like this was home, and the relationships that I had established with students were growing…and I wondered if perhaps a second year would provide even more ministry opportunities. (Undoubtedly, it would.) I could picture myself here again, loving new faces, and loving those I already love still more.
However, in my heart of hearts, in that deepest part of me where emotions subside and confusion dissolves, in that place where all that has been hazy suddenly become clear… I knew God was not calling me back. If He was, He would have revealed it to me by now. If He was, there would be no desperate search for an answer last minute. I look back on the times I know He has called me to do something… and I KNEW, not only within myself, but He had revealed it through my circumstances. Though a big part of me wants to return, and it does pain me to leave this place, He has called me to Prague for a season.
I do not think my time is forever done overseas. I’m not sure why I think that because I have no idea when, where, or under what circumstances He might bring me back, only that I have a heart for it.
It has been a really rough week. But God has been teaching me to "press on" no matter what my emotions may be, high or low, up or down. "Go on, Courtney. Go on, press on, continue on."
I don't know what is coming next for me, but He knows, and that's enough.
<< Home