Rediscovering
Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again.
So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours
I know now, You're my only hope.
Ever since I came home 3 1/2 months ago, I've been feeling rather displaced. Letting go of my old life has not been an easy task, and I find it is a continual process.
A friend of mine, still living overseas, asked me yesterday if I was happy. Simple question, difficult to answer. My time overseas, especially near the end, was filled with passion, joy, and love, in such intensities that I had never experienced before. Coming back home caused me to feel like a bird who suddenly lost the ability to fly- I felt stifled, restricted, and saddened by the many great losses which resulted from the move back to the US.
I had at first thought that having a teaching job was the answer, and that once the job was lined up, everything else would fall into place. I should have known, especially after living overseas, to not have such high expectations, because often what I want or think isn't very close to reality. I did land my "dream job" so to speak, and in that sense, there is no place I'd rather be. I am teaching at the school I wanted, teaching the subjects I like, and I work with such great people that I really can't imagine working anywhere else. It definitely has helped with my overall adjustment, giving me a sense of purpose and focus.
But this doesn't mean I don't struggle. It is hard not to compare my new life with the old, try as I may not to, knowing full well how useless it is. God designs and shapes my life, and as I believe I have followed in His footsteps, I don't like it when I am discontent. It seems that as Prague and my former students slip further away from me, I miss it, and I miss them, more.
This is not to say I don't like where I am at. I know a blessing when I see one, and God has truly wrapped my current job in a box with a big red bow. But my heart longs for the place I had once called home, for a short time at least, and the little darlings that blessed my life in so many ways.
God knows, and He sends those little blessings which brighten my day. One of my 9th grade literature classes has actually taken to following the Czech classroom custom of standing at the teacher's presence. Even though I am already in the room, I walk out quickly and come back in, and then they wait for my word before they sit down. I am sure they will get bored with this very soon, but it is a delight for me, and truth be told, it almost makes me cry. It is not because they are standing at my presence, but it is because it is a little reminder of my students overseas, and it is their own willingness to practice a Czech custom that delights me.
It is treasures like these that make me smile. Yes, I long for Prague. I miss walking the city center after school, or spending an hour or two gliding down the Charles Bridge and winding my way up the castle stairs. I ache for my students who taught me more about love than I ever knew before- these precious lives that don't know God, and whose names I long to be written in the Book of Life.
I could go on with the things that I miss. There are far too many. I ache, and I long, and I yearn, and the majority of the people around me do not understand this heartfelt attachment to a faraway land.
I am not sure if God will ever call me overseas again. But as always, I choose to live my life in complete surrender, holding both hands wide open, saying, "Wherever you go, I will go" (Ruth 1:16). He is my captain and my guide.
I give You my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want Your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.
So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours I pray, to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope.
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again.
So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours
I know now, You're my only hope.
Ever since I came home 3 1/2 months ago, I've been feeling rather displaced. Letting go of my old life has not been an easy task, and I find it is a continual process.
A friend of mine, still living overseas, asked me yesterday if I was happy. Simple question, difficult to answer. My time overseas, especially near the end, was filled with passion, joy, and love, in such intensities that I had never experienced before. Coming back home caused me to feel like a bird who suddenly lost the ability to fly- I felt stifled, restricted, and saddened by the many great losses which resulted from the move back to the US.
I had at first thought that having a teaching job was the answer, and that once the job was lined up, everything else would fall into place. I should have known, especially after living overseas, to not have such high expectations, because often what I want or think isn't very close to reality. I did land my "dream job" so to speak, and in that sense, there is no place I'd rather be. I am teaching at the school I wanted, teaching the subjects I like, and I work with such great people that I really can't imagine working anywhere else. It definitely has helped with my overall adjustment, giving me a sense of purpose and focus.
But this doesn't mean I don't struggle. It is hard not to compare my new life with the old, try as I may not to, knowing full well how useless it is. God designs and shapes my life, and as I believe I have followed in His footsteps, I don't like it when I am discontent. It seems that as Prague and my former students slip further away from me, I miss it, and I miss them, more.
This is not to say I don't like where I am at. I know a blessing when I see one, and God has truly wrapped my current job in a box with a big red bow. But my heart longs for the place I had once called home, for a short time at least, and the little darlings that blessed my life in so many ways.
God knows, and He sends those little blessings which brighten my day. One of my 9th grade literature classes has actually taken to following the Czech classroom custom of standing at the teacher's presence. Even though I am already in the room, I walk out quickly and come back in, and then they wait for my word before they sit down. I am sure they will get bored with this very soon, but it is a delight for me, and truth be told, it almost makes me cry. It is not because they are standing at my presence, but it is because it is a little reminder of my students overseas, and it is their own willingness to practice a Czech custom that delights me.
It is treasures like these that make me smile. Yes, I long for Prague. I miss walking the city center after school, or spending an hour or two gliding down the Charles Bridge and winding my way up the castle stairs. I ache for my students who taught me more about love than I ever knew before- these precious lives that don't know God, and whose names I long to be written in the Book of Life.
I could go on with the things that I miss. There are far too many. I ache, and I long, and I yearn, and the majority of the people around me do not understand this heartfelt attachment to a faraway land.
I am not sure if God will ever call me overseas again. But as always, I choose to live my life in complete surrender, holding both hands wide open, saying, "Wherever you go, I will go" (Ruth 1:16). He is my captain and my guide.
I give You my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want Your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.
So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours I pray, to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope.
